I have sinned.

Reaching for her diary, she tore out a piece of paper and scribbled on it: I want to cry. She wrote it repeatedly till the paper tore to shreds. Her dry eyes counted the number of pieces falling down the floor.

The fight between the two was not new, but for the first time she had accepted she was at fault. All these years, he had pampered her in every way, his love had kept her alive, and always surrounded her, given her comfort, and she had never asked for anything more but today she had run away from all of it. Sitting in her balcony, she could remember, the way he fell down in the sofa when she told him everything. She wanted him back, but didnt know how to do that.

Standing in her balcony, she plotted her return and confession, she looked at the smoke coming out of her mouth, and disappearing into the air. She wanted him back she thought, and she regretted everything she had done, she tried to convince herself that whatever she did was to save their relationship. The fact of not being with him had started registering in her mind, she had started missing him and wanted to go back to him, his place. 

A week of turmoil passed in a devastatingly slow rhythm. Her need for him had reached to its extremes. Convinced that she had achieved a logical, credible arc to confessional narrative, her mind tried to rest. But at midnight she sat up in bed, filled with a formidable, exhausting urge to cry, her face burried in the web of her fingers. I want to cry, I just want to cry, She repeated to herself, then woke up next morning, as dry eyed as when she had slept.

The moment she stepped foot in his apartment, its graveyard silence enfolded her, pulling her into anxious vortex. Had he gone for a walk? She waited for him in their bedroom. In the evening she went to his study and kneeled on the floor, bent her head and took great gasps of air. The shards of what she had broken a week ago, pieces of glass lay scattered around her like a jigsaw in which she was only another piece.

Forever unwhole.

Forever shattered.

She knew he is not coming back, and then it happened on its own, tears started rolling down her cheeks, and she cried untill dawn flapped its burnished wing against the tall glass doors.

P.S - This post in no means is intended for anybody in particular, its just an imagination brought to words.