I have sinned.

Edit - Read the post below it before reading this one. 

He fell down on the sofa. He lost his fight with the gravitational force to stand upright. Amdist all this news, one part of his mind raced back and thought newton won his fight, the physicist he was.

He tried listening to what she is saying or trying to explain, but he needed no more explanations. He felt he just want to be alone. He heard himself saying - Leave me alone, just go. Please. He couldnt remember himself tryint to say that. He felt after newton, darwin is playing games with him. He felt he has aged 20 years in an instant, and then he saw her leaving the house. He had never said please to her before. He wanted to shout, wanted to stop her, but couldnt find his voice. A tear rolled down his cheeks.

It was the first time she had told him about the dreams about fire-flies, and how they keep disturbng her, she had told him that her father, a doctor in psychology tried to tell her about the meaning of these dreams, it helped but still the dreams wudnt stop. She felt her father is doing everything possible to help her.

He felt a tinge of jealous, he decided he needs to do something, the same night he went around in the jungle, climbed trees and tried catching as many fire-flies he could. He got bruises all over but he could not stop smiling thinking may be her dreams would stop. 

He rang her bell, and showed her the jar full of fire-flies, but her eyes were busy, and mouth was open looking at all the bruises on his body, before she could say anything, he said - keep it next to you while sleeping, and that sixteen year old boy, desperately in love with this girl ran away. 

It was his first attempt to steal her from her father, or atleast to be as important to her as her father was. To think that somebody else is more important to her than him could suffocate him he thought.

That was fifteen years ago, dreams did stop coming after that night, or atleast she said so. He remembered all this and smiled to himself, today he was sitting in his sofa with the knowledge that she has slept with somebody else. He again smiled to himself, which turned into a laugh, a hysterical laughter, which didnt stop untill a tear rolled out of his eye.

He lay there in the sofa till night. He went to the library. Looked at the shattered pieces of glass  she had broken hours ago. He tried to find his own image in those glasses, but he didnt know which one is him, there were so many of the pieces and so many of the images.

He started looking the books she had read him. " I like to hear you hearing me, your listening is like being held by strong pair of arms". He read the novels, finding companionship in their pages, silken ruminations, tragic detours, his imagination filled with her image, he thought some of its passage she must have re-read to him, a line that would have seduced her admiration. His love for her, and his love for the love she had given him came back to him, haunting his memories, and he could not read any further.

He started walking, he didnt know where is he going. He knew he had loved her, he had given all of his heart to keep her happy, he had been awake at nights to see her sleeping, he liked to think she is not dreaming of fireflies, but even the thought of her dreaming about fireflies used to terrorize him. He just wanted her to smile.

He decided he wont ever come back. He thought she will think that he left her because she cheated on him but perhaps she will never come to know that he is going because he thought he has failed himself, because he had not loved her enough to keep her to herself. He had failed himself terribly.

But i dont want her to cry. He knew she cant cry. But still a thought that she might cry sent shivers down his spine.  He thought to himself. I dont want her to cry. Its all my fault. I wish she never cries. and he walked on.