Memories

It took me 12 hours to finally have the courage to send you an email, reminding you of my jacket that you have. That night when we stayed up till dawn, to see the sunrise, and shared a shawl together, you turned your face towards me and said that you are sure this is not the last sunrise we see together, that we would meet again and soon. In a new city, we’d walk on the new roads, try out new different things, but we’d be the same old people, having the same old affection, that’ll only get smoother as time would drape itself around it, just like some fine old wine that rich people taste at the expensive diners. But time has passed, and like how rivers flow into the ocean and lose themselves, we have lost ourselves, we have lost each other in these tides. I don’t know how you are, where you are, I do not have your phone number, but I’ll be coming down to your city soon and you have my jacket. I hope it still smells of us, of the ashes that flew from the logs burning in that deep end of the forest. A warm, golden glow in an otherwise eerie and dark landscape. That’s how the memory still glows in my mind. 

I wonder if the coldness and the detached language of my email will get to you, oh darling but I mean just the opposite. I don’t understand what love is. I really don’t. The coldness about me is a lie, but I lie anyway. I miss you, I miss your warm embrace, the reassuring hug, your playfull ness and kissing my ear while hugging me, I miss having your number in my phone list. This world makes no sense, there are people questioning me incessantly about my life’s choices, there are times when I think that nothing will get me out of this, and then I am reminded of the days we spent together, gallivanting through the streets of Delhi, listening to our favorite songs and making the grandest plans for our lives. Of how we’d just spend days lying in bed in each other's arms. Of how we’d be able to manage our lives just fine and what the world has to say doesn’t matter. Of how we’d be so lost in each other that even in crowd we couldn't see anybody else but each other. I don’t know how to deal with aging every single day. The people around me are silly, serious and think I am mad. They are always looking towards their future, and I am always receding back, tracing my steps back to all that made me happy. Because when I look ahead, it breaks my heart. I don’t see myself faring too well, I don’t see you.