I am fine.

Doctor called him in his office. He was middle aged, in his late thirties may be. He was scared, its never good when doctor calls you in his office, if it had been good, he would have told everything in front of her. It was his own way to deal with things. His theory which failed a number of times in past was simple, God does not like me, Whatever i think, he always do the opposite, he always give me what i had not expected. So he would always expect bad things, no matter how funny this theory was, it would console him. 

She is at an advanced stage of lukemia, I am afraid, she cant be cured.  

Day 1

She was shocked, and so was he, but he kept thinking, reports must be wrong. He knew he is just consoling himself, a doctor would check thrice atleast, before breaking such news, but he kept telling himself. We will try somewhere else, some other doctor, some other lab.

Day 19

Reports arrived from states. It was right. But how it can be ?

Day 23 

He researched everything about it on internet. With numerous doctors, conference calls with doctors in other countries, journals, almost everywhere. There must be some hope.

Day 32

She will have to go. Forever. He knew this now for sure. Not a single doctor was left whom he didnt consult, for one hope that may be somewhere, there is some cure. If it was in his hands, he would have fought the god, to cure her, but now he knew. She will have to go.

Day 33

He could not sleep all night, he was looking at her. He didnt know when a tear left his eye, and travelled his cheek to dry out itself. His thoughts were mixing in itself. He spent all night thinking.

Day 34

She woke up in the morning, to get breakfast in bed, and a happy, jovial husband. He announced, if only few months of your life are left, we can as well make them happiest days of our life. He smiled at her. Tears started coming from her eyes, and he said, Why are you worrying sweetheart ? She replied in between the sobs,  I will have to suffer few months, which i am sure you will make as painless and happy as you can, its you who I am worried about, and he said I am fine sweetheart, I am really fine, now lets get the day started, i think we are going to have a big day.

Day 42

He now knew she will have to go, and he had accepted it, he would wake up in nights to her bleeding noses, to take care of her, he quit his job. He will spend his day contacting doctors, and yet being there for his wife everytime. At times, when he would sit alone, next to the glass window, he would wonder, How life will be without her, When he will come back to empty house, sure it will be difficult, but i will have to live. I will have to be strong.

Day 71

She was being taken to chemotharapy, when she came back, she was looking so fragile, he was scared to take her in his arms, for she might just break. He cried at the night. Later he thought but ofcourse, he will have to be strong, he has to let her go, and he thought its ok, I am fine. Life wont be same without her, but i will have to manage.

Day 97

She would get convulsions more rapidly now, but now he was used to all this, he would take care of her, he would talk to her for hours, when she wont be sleeping, he would laugh with her, he would smile with her, he would tell him his plans, once she will go away, for she was worried all the time how he will live, and he would tell her, he would go to world tour to celebrate her departure, and they both will laugh together, they both had accepted the fate, and he would always tell her. I am fine sweetheart, I will be fine.

Day 126

She was admitted in the hospital, he knew end is here now. He would run everywhere to get drips, bring in doctors. A moment alone in the lift, and his thoughts will return, it will strike him, she is going now, and he will think, although with tears in his eyes I am ready. I am fine.

Day 128, Day 0

She died. He didnt weep, he didnt feel as upset as he had thought, infact he wondered as if he was waiting for it, may be for all of this to get over. His mind started planning about the things to be done now, to get fake consolation from relatives and friends. 

Day 1

He was busy with all the arrangements that had to be done, all the relatives had started piling up. His mind didnt wander much.

Day 13

His mother and sister wanted to stay, theravi was done. Relatives will go now. They didnt want him to be lonely, but he forced them away. He knew he can handle himself, he thought may be his mother being there now will make him realize more, what he has lost.

Day 15

Everybody went back, and now he was alone, alone with his own thoughts and her memories.

Day 16

He woke up from a dream where she was lying next to her, when he woke up for moments he thought she is still in bathroom, but then he realized she is really gone. He thought about her, every moment they had spent together. This is not how it was supposed to happen. He knew it since long back, she will go, but i am supposed to handle myself. He tried to be strong.

He remembered the day doctor had called him in his cabin. Weird thoughts started entering his mind now. He thought i was knowingly expecting something bad so that news is not bad, but wasnt that somehow expecting good news. God gave me what i was not expecting. He blamed himself. 

He thought about her intensely now. He thought, I knew this will be difficult, but this is much more difficult than I had thought. A single song, could dismantle him, sending him off to her memories. He would smile at some, and will cry at others.

He would sit in his balcony, and will look at the stars. He would remember the nights they both had sat there together, looking at stars, he will laugh, thinking how he had told her he will go for a world tour. Few minutes later he would cry. Loudly now.

He would look up at the sky, and will say Its ok its ok, I know, I am fine.

Day 17

Ofcourse, everybody will ask me, how can anybody just die like this, but he did, still sitting in that balcony, he was found dead. He died there, from something he had accepted long back, but ofcourse, He was fine.